I'm excited for my next paycheck, because i've been working like crazy these past 2 weeks, its nice to know that I get to go up north to salt lake area and see all my mission buddys and mission pres for the first time in 2 years, wow i've been home for 2 YEARS..... ha what have i done with my life? but I'm happy to see them all, this will be when i look back at it a great month, worked hard and then got to go to my favorite place on earth LAKE POWELL for a couple of days ( it is my dream to own a house boat out there and chill and listen to jack johnson and relient k for the remainder of my days , all the while being a member of the navajo ward and having my kids learn navajo. if only right?!) and then got to see all my mission friends.
This month I have noticed that my mind set has changed a little, i dont know what it is, maybe its working graveyard by my lonesome and passing the time by reading scriptures and past general conference talks on the computer. or maybe its the spiritual talks that I randomly have with my dad, or my mom pushing the family to have scripture study and family pray in the morning. either way its been good and I have realised my short comings in life and the gospel. the mission was the toughest thing I have ever done. I have never been more depressed and never been more happy then in those 2 years. when it ended it was a relief, I felt burnt out, but happy that I served. so when I got home I made the mistake of thinking about my self and what I wanted, I still went to church and what not, but I was just going thru the motions, Doing home teaching wasnt important because I really didnt care, and I'd show up late and leave early to church because I didnt want a calling. Marriage and dating were the furthest thing from my mind, " I would like a girl but it would never go anywhere, I guess because I never put my heart and soul into it or they just werent interested. ha Girls and their demands "put some effort into!"....... anywho and with the fact that I've never really trusted anybody with my emotions especially not women. as Sherlock Holmes once said "I would not tell them too much. Women are never to be entirely trusted—not the best of them". Thats how I truely felt.
So with all that and me trying to get a job to pay for school, life was busy. the gospel was in the back of my mind if only because my parents are faithful and I only went to church to get them off my back because they would ask about it. I became cynical and sarcastic towards the gospel. at fast and testimony meeting someone would be up bearing there heart and soul and I would be thinking.... do u really know the church is true? and then i would reflect and think do you even know the church is true? I had a testimony and scriptures pointed to out church as being correct and I had confidence in my parents and church leaders. but i found out that one can lose a testimony as quickly as one can get it, I found that I didnt necessarily lose it, but that it had become weak. and that i was just living off of other peoples stronger testimonys and just going with it. Lucky for me I have a loving Heavenly Father who watches out for his children and caring earthly parents who pray for their children. It happened like this. I was having a bad day and went to my room after work. My attitude was " alright God, life sucks! if you'er there help me out, what should i do, I dont know why Heavenly Father answered my pray so quickly seeing as i was unworthy for a Quick anwser, but he did. it was an anwser that i needed but more of a rebuke. what came to mind was 2 nephi 28:30. a scripture that I had memorized on my mission long ago, it just popped into play it reads :
30For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon aprecept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn bwisdom; for unto him that creceiveth I will give dmore; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have..
after reading that memories of the mission and what I did came back. all the blessing and wonderful relationships and miracles that I witnessed. I realised that because I have been behaving contrary to that of what I should be the last part of 2 nephi 28:30 applied to me . I had taken a break from the gospel and as a result my testimony had become weak and I forgot all the miracles and blessings that I had recieved were a result of constant effort in the gosple, and once I forgot that, they were taken away. I got on my knees and asked Heavenly Father for forgivness. I felt terrible, as I should. A testimony is like muscle, work it out it becomes strong, do nothing and it becomes weak. very simple right? well i'm a idiot haha.
But after that my desire to change and be a better person grew. I quickly set out and planned what I would do to be better, Pray and Read the scriptures ever day! for starters, Unfortuate I work on sundays but I still can attend sacrament meeting, I dont want to just improve spiritualy but also I want to be a more pleasant person to be around, I want to be pure in heart, the best way for that i have decided is to memorize a scripture a day like I did in my mission please look up vaughn j featherstone scripture memorization plan to see what i'm talking about., when a negative thought arises quickly think of that scripture and and get my mind right. or sing a song in my head. i find relient k a good choice, also on my way to be a better person, make time for home teaching, what do all the general authorities say, when sad serve someone else.
on the subject of service, my dad made a very good point, he asked whats the point of being here on this earth? i said to be past the test given to us and to return to heavenly father. then my dad said yah, but I believe it is to learn how to serve. Think of all that jesus did, his mortal ministry was that of service, in all that he did, also why do you think we are suppose to get married , when you get married you'll learn that its the ultimate form of service, putting your needs aside for someone you love more then yourself. my dad is smart i've decided, well gospel smart, haha. but that got me thinking about marriage. I would love to get married right now. start a family have kids, truth be told its what i've always wanted. my only problem is i'm lazy, i kind of just want to skip the dating phase. dating and courting and what not would not EXIST if men, as is alleged, really ran the world, oh girls and your need to be loved.......i've always thought the act alone of asking you to marry was the grandest gesture of love ever. saying to the person that you love them and want to spend time and all eternity with. but then again this shows that i know nothing because how does one get to that point......thru dating and courting...... hey i might like it. who knows.
on the subject of service, my dad made a very good point, he asked whats the point of being here on this earth? i said to be past the test given to us and to return to heavenly father. then my dad said yah, but I believe it is to learn how to serve. Think of all that jesus did, his mortal ministry was that of service, in all that he did, also why do you think we are suppose to get married , when you get married you'll learn that its the ultimate form of service, putting your needs aside for someone you love more then yourself. my dad is smart i've decided, well gospel smart, haha. but that got me thinking about marriage. I would love to get married right now. start a family have kids, truth be told its what i've always wanted. my only problem is i'm lazy, i kind of just want to skip the dating phase. dating and courting and what not would not EXIST if men, as is alleged, really ran the world, oh girls and your need to be loved.......i've always thought the act alone of asking you to marry was the grandest gesture of love ever. saying to the person that you love them and want to spend time and all eternity with. but then again this shows that i know nothing because how does one get to that point......thru dating and courting...... hey i might like it. who knows.
I have Goals of becoming smarter, I've always wanted to learn Spanish, i'm jealous of my friends who went to south america and got to learn it, well thankgoodness for the spanish channel and rosette stone. and finally exercising again. when your mind and body are right, everything is right. i hope this will all lead me into being a more positive person and that no matter what i'll have that christlike charity for my fellow men. and speaking of charity i'd like to close with words from mother Teresa
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
thank friends and family for the love even though at times i'm undeserving. and also thanks to a caring loving Heavenly Father who will always love me and his son Jesus Christ who knows all that i'm going thru and will ever go thru.
wow it felt good to write, i normally dont share things like this.
Randon Syphus
